keepgoing's Blog

Having an online affair. Husband is better and has been out of hospital for four months now. I met a guy and we synchronized so well. Have had the greatest month I have had in years.

I just read some stories on wives who have had their husbands die. They are widows. 

That is just too scary to talk about!  Hits hard. I guess I have been worrying about it. Wondering. I hate it. Too too scary.

I am a lady who feels sorry for herself. I am also stressed out and have what I feel is a great deal of responsibility in my life.

My husband is getting more seriously ill by the week, although there is not official cancer or terminal illness attached to his medical records. We have been married for almost 20 years and our oldest went off to college last summer. Our youngest will get his drivers permit this summer and start highschool in the fall. 

Before Jan 2003, we had a normal marrige, 2 kids, 2 incomes, 2 baseball teams, many concerts, festivals and vacations as well as a boat. 

Although the progression to total and permenant disability has taken six years it was technically available to my husband after his brain injury Jan 21, 2003. We lost the proverbial "hope" slowly through the addition of five more chronic but not immediately lifethreatening diseases. 

After March 2009, the progression to total and permenat loss of hope was diagnosed for our family. 

I know things can be fine, we will work with what we have. Our future can be good, just a new good. I guess we are kind of grieving a loss of what really could have been. We need new hopes. New things to look forward to. We need new ways to help us cope and see the sunny side of things again. 

We will get there.